Today was probably the last day I saw my grandmother alive. I was told yesterday that she had a week to live. She's suffered from Alzheimer's for the past few years, but before Christmas it escalated to her being very poorly. I visited her today with my dad and sister. As I walked into the ward, my three uncles were around her bed, all that was going through my mind was "oh god she's gone, I can't believe I'm going to see her like that". My heart was racing so fast, my uncle was wiping away his tears... I couldn't handle it. When I first saw her I was shocked... she didn't look like the beautiful Nan that I grew up knowing and loving. She didn't have her false teeth in so around her mouth looked caved in, her complexion was very poorly looking, her hair wasn't curled like she liked having it, she couldn't keep her eyes open much and she wasn't comfortable. With my dad, uncles and sister there I didn't get to say goodbye! So here goes, I guess...
"Nana, I love you, I loved how you were never afraid to say what was on your mind, your independence, you were never without your high heels (even on the beach), your jokes about dad and his brothers when they were young, you never forget my birthday, and you were always reminiscent about the good times. It broke my heart when you started to forget things, faces, names, how to take care of yourself. Even when you were sick in hospital you showed me there was still a part of my 'Nana Delia' in there. I love you and always will and I will miss you so much - I have for a while but when your gone, so many people will miss you. Goodbye Nana, I will always remember you"
I never know what to say in awkward situations and thats my best way of trying. Mom took our black coats to the dry cleaners, my brother (he's 17) was asked to carry the coffin along with my dad, his three brothers and uncle. I know things have to be prepared, but I just want everything to STOP... even for a minute just to not think about whats coming... but it keeps spinning around in my head! I still cry when I think about my mom's mom, my 'Nana Kiely'. She passed away 4 January 2008. I love her so much too. She was my godmother too.
I am so lucky to have my boyfriend Daniel. He is amazing and so supportive. Even though he lives an hour away he's there for me in more ways than he knows and its helping me through this hard time. I am so grateful to have him and definitely don't take anything for granted. Thank you babe xx